Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Finally told the boss…..

I finally told my boss that I was unfulfilled at my job and planning to resign.  I had been having this conversation in my head for months and the desire to quit my job for about 2 years.  There is just nothing like climbing the career ladder for 18 years, only to find that the ladder is leaning against the wrong building.

Thanks to the Landmark Forum, I decided it was time to live a life that is powerful and to live a life I love. Over the past 6 months I finally figured out that my unhappiness at work wasn’t because of bosses, or other people, or the organization as a whole – it was simply because I was uninspired.  I have figured out that I don’t like managing people – a task I equate with babysitting – only not the “fun” babysitting of babies or kids, but babysitting adults.  Blah!  I discovered that my passion lied in projects, investigations, initiatives, etc.  I need the finality of something in order to feel accomplished.  “That’s done – now what’s next?”  I need to conduct research, to learn, to set all the pieces before me and see how they fit together.  I simply lack the empathy required to lead people and don’t take pleasure in seeing others grow, mature, succeed, etc.  I don’t think this makes me a bad person, it just is what it is.

My boss was incredible.  I felt as though I had nothing to lose when I finally sat down in front of him so, although I was anxious, I was not afraid.  I am glad I brought forth a proposal that would allow me to stay with the department until our adventure begins next summer and, as it turns out, what he is allowing me to do is even better than what I proposed.  I am grateful for his understanding, support, and shared excitement and finally feel as though 1,000 pounds have been lifted off me.

I guess I could lament that I wasted 18 years finding this out, but I feel I’m on the path I’m supposed to be on and am grateful that I am figuring it out now while I still have time to simply change paths.  Every now and then anxiety sneaks in and I realize I am a little concerned about what my subordinates will think about my voluntary demotion; but then I remind myself that it doesn’t matter what others think.  This is MY life, MY path, and MY decision.  I’ll be long gone while most of them suffer through their lives and jobs, never realizing that they do actually have the power to choose something else.

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